Shocking Revelations

Today, was the day of shocking revelations. As if a 2,000 lb bomb had fallen on my head. And it all started so innocently. Just a little trip to Baskin Robbins after Sunday Dinner. Ostensibly, to be with my nephew who was working there. But you know what happens when the devil’s brew starts to flow. When cookie dough, mint chocolate and pink plastic spoons collide. When that frigid temptation slides down the gullet. That’s right.


Inhibitions go out the window. And the sordid affairs of the past, the secret sins of darkness flop into the light. Stark naked. Exposed to the world. To gasp and awe. To shock and faces gone pale. And so it was. Everyone chatting along. Slurping up the goodness. Lactose metabolizing in the bloodstream. When suddenly, my mother admits that she used to smoke. At first she tried to tell us how other kids in school would roll dried leaves or pencil shavings in cigarette paper. She tried to say that she didn’t do it. But the cross examination skills of her granddaughter pinned her down. Like a deer in the headlights. A fish wiggling on the hook. A rabbit in the grass. There was nowhere to run. And she blurted out.

“I used to smoke. But I never inhaled!”

Ya. You and Bill Clinton.