All the King’s Horses

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the King’s horses and all the King’s men

Couldn’t put Humpty together again

Shhh! I want to hear this!

Turn the volume up will you Bill?

…Why did Humpty climb up on the Wall? What was he doing there? And how did he fall? Did he slip? Was he pushed? These are some of the questions that people are asking this morning after this popular young man plunged to his death from the Old City Wall.

911 received a call shortly after 4 am from an as-yet unidentified woman pleading for an ambulance. Medical teams were on the scene in minutes. One of the paramedics describe Humpty when they found him as having his “head split open like an egg.” They rushed him by helicopter to Mercy General where the world’s foremost brain surgeons began to operate. However, the damage was too extensive and he was pronounced dead at 5:30 this morning.

The country’s head of state was visibly upset by this turn of events, but stated that the government has done everything possible to keep people off the Wall. “Surely someone must have warned Humpty against climbing on the Wall,” one spokesman said. “Surely he must have seen the signs:

‘Slippery When Wet’

‘Authorized Personnel Only’

 Rumours are surfacing to the effect that Humpty was friendly with a group of thrill seekers who regularly mounted the crumbling monument. At this point, family and friends remain close-mouthed about the rumour.

 So the questions remain: Was it a suicide? Was it a college initiation prank, a dare? Or was it merely a case of his wanting to take a shortcut? Whatever the answers, one thing seems crystal clear in the light of day: There are some choices you never get to take back.

This is Mori Szgeti, reporting from the nation’s capital…